The Road to Success and Endeavor – unhappy bedfellows?

Frankly Frank says…

Oh brother,  there’s a hideous amount of bollocks spouted about the Road to Success in ‘expert’ success manuals, programs, lectures and other outlets of  success-strangling  blatherings.

Tread carefully for they make no apologies for their dangerous toxic advice which, disastrously for your success, invariably includes the stock 101:  ‘Your success will be in direct proportion to your level of fight, endeavor, total tenacity, persistent perseverance, relentless resolution, endurance and do-or-die determination’bullshit!

Get real! Try following this toss and you’re guaranteed to fall right off the Road to Success, straight into the inevitable foul ditch of failure alongside and live a crap life of success burnout, surviving on nothing more than the effluent of your broken dreams that floats past you!

Road to Success… or Road to Perdition!

The reason is you most likely can’t cut the mustard. No sane bastard can! You simply can’t keep up that level of cretinous do or die freakdom. That level of endeavor lunacy is the preserve of proper nutters.

The road to success and endeavour - clown in snow

Arctic explorers are a good case in point. What drives anyone to trudge hundreds of miles across frozen arctic wasteland? What the hell is there in their persistently perambulatory whackjobbery that is worth emulating on your Road to Success? What kind of perverts are they? I’ll tell you – the kind who tenaciously like drinking their own urine, the kind who persistently like grueling hardship and gross discomfort. Weirdos like Scott who resolutely love snow and frostbite and polar waste, more snow and more frostbite and being eaten by polar bears and then determinedly buggered by seals.
People like him aren’t human, they should be taken apart for scientific experiments.

The road to success and endeavour - Frankly Frank on skisMind you, I do love arctic roll.

So are you determined to do a sharp U-turn away from endeavor evangelists on your Road to Success? Include your bumper sticker message to these success-murdering assholes trailing you in the comments below.

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Health and Safety Solutions: The definitive guide to childbirth in the workplace

 Health & Safety Solutions - pregnant woman

Frankly Frank says…
It is only a matter of time before those earning a nice living from intervening in the population’s unconscious daily attempts at ending it all, turn their attention to childbirth in the workplace. Obviously childbirth per se is highly dangerous, but in the workplace it presents particular opportunities for eagle-eyed, nanny state Health & Safety officers:

  • Slips & trips are a serious hazard, with the umbilical cord and placenta statistically presenting the greatest risks. The undignified ooze and seepage don’t help either.
  • The incidents of drowning from waters bursting is on the increase – all employees should be equipped with water wings.
  • Cutting your tongue on the stirrups and the resulting bleeding is a breeding ground for infection and the resulting amputation of the entire limb needs to be considered.
  • Lastly, food poisoning is the single most likely Health and Safety issue of childbirth in the workplace – remember, always fry the placenta for at least five minutes – and check before you start that the baby is no longer attached as this increases the cooking time.

Health & Safety Solutions - Frankly Framk eating manual

Could you cut the mustard? Are you Health and Safety Officer material? Over-exaggerate your relevant qualities in the comments below or recommend the best way to insert a health and safety manual…

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Success Rule for the Common Man no.10 – When Disaster Strikes

Emergency evacuation sign - when disaster strikes*
When disaster strikes, inertia sets in, chaos abounds and all hope of further progress seemingly dashed, you can always choose to give up.
After all, a life of endless disappointment is your right as much as anyone else’s.
*

When disaster strikes, what is your modus operandi (ponsy speak for what the hell do you do?): fold like a origami giraffe or rise to the challenge like a solid wall of steely intent? Or.. fall somewhere in between like most of us? This is Crunch Timeconfess in the comments below.

 

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Education-the battle cry of swindlers!

Always a hot subject, but can you make the grade in this week’s lesson?
*education, education, education - balckboard with 1+1=3*

Frankly Frank says…

13 years at school
5 GCSEs
2 A Levels
£25K a year
£33k in debt
What the fuck is that all about?

education, education, education - Frankly Frank at blackboard

Check out The Guardian’s view on How much is your qualification worth? (average wages compared) here

Homework time: in the comments below, detail your view of education in 300 words or less without using expletives or making reference to genetically mollified lungfish.  (80 possible marks)

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Thank God for Work!

Frankly Frank at work shouting at lowly pleb who is thinking "thank God for Work!"

Come on, it hits you every Monday – “Thank God for Work!” you cry over your fourth coffee and fifteenth fag before leaving the house.

The existence of work proves unequivocally the existence of a god – or at least a higher power. The majority of people would be lost in the wilderness without some structured activity to keep them from falling into a pre-Victorian savage-letting-mushy-fruit-fall-into-their-open-mouths kind of existence.

We must continue to cry ‘Thank God for Work!’

We must fight the noxious possibility of becoming contented, living-a-Great-Life-of-our-own-design savages at every turn and hope that our ally, the Government, never thinks of spending less than the country earns thereby being forced to reduce taxation as a result. The resulting horror of ordinary common folk being forced to consider the impossibility of actually not having to work to the grave and beyond is terrifying!

Just for the moment, however, I feel, we can all breath easy….

Frankly Frank at his overladen deskAppraisal time : Right you, in my office to explain yourself (in the comments below) – Do you regularly high-five at work and gratefully cry “Thank God for Work!” or are you too busy trying to set fire to your head in the  desperate hope they’ll send you home for being a potential health and safety risk?

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Demotivational Quote for the Common Man no.9 – Put your dukes up!

Frankly Frank in motivational martial arts pose“You have to fight through the bad days in order to earn the good days”

[Unknown]

Now see here’s the thing, this quote and countless others in the same vein seem very popular in that they’re everywhere that sorry cousin of small pox, self-improvement hangs out. But answer this: when you’re trying to chase down that fantastic dream and Great Life you want so much you could bleed, how motivated are you going to be by the idea that to succeed you’ve got to battle your hardest through all manner of pain, misery and misfortune to even be worthy of a few  days of fun and enjoyment? Not so motivated? Strange!

If you aren’t a sick puppy, desperate for a good, miserable time of it, try this alternative:

“You have to fight through the bad days in order to realize how shit they are and then go laugh through the good ones on offer round the corner that no on else seems to want.”

[Global Feel Good Company]

Are you a fighter, up for a good hemorrhaging all over your dream? Or do you think demotivational quote for the Common Man no.9 should be buried in concrete at the bottom of the Mariana trench to protect the fun and feel good people of this world? Vote ‘I love to hemorrhage’ or ‘Hands off the feel good brothers ‘ in the comments below.

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I am Important – Alternative Affirmation for the Common Man no.2

Frankly Frank in his 'I am important' pose in crowd

With all the pressures of life and the burgeoning world population, it might be that you are struggling to say ‘I am important’ with any conviction.

Thank fuck!

This alone could be the greatest bonus on your Road to Success and in chasing down your happy and Great Life. You see,  one of the major aspects of the great life swindle is the bullshit you’re fed about being unique and important, the bastards! Swindlers will butter you up with all manner of guff about how significant your little bunch of molecules are – more lies, vicious, evil lies!

 ‘I am important’ – pah!

This stinky crapfest has been keeping you unsuccessful and unhappy for too long. Rise up! Shout the truth loudly, madly with this Alternative Affirmation for the Common Man:

“I am important. Even though I am one of billions scuttling around this planet, I am definitely way more important than any of those other fuckers. I am not an ant, even though my ass does look like a bulbous ant’s and I do like discos… Okay, okay I am an ant! I am truly unimportant. I accept that I am just one of billions. I luxuriate in my unimportance and attract unimportance to me. Whatever I do will make no difference to the vast bulk of humanity, especially the dead ones. Therefore I can do what the fuck I like, including hunting down my version of a happy, Great Life – amen to that!”

Grab your megaphone and soapbox, jump up and loudly state your case in the comments below: are you proudly leading the ‘I am important, hop to making effigies in my likeness’ movement or are you contentedly scurrying along with the other ants, playing bulbous ass trumps?

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Demotivational Quote for the Common Man no.6 – true or tripe?

Racoon hiding from Frankly Frank's demotivational club

“Everything you’ve ever wanted is on the other side of fear”  [George Adair]

What a load of demotivating tripe!

No wonder your motivation is on permanent vacation with nonsense like this around! How keen and eager are you going to be to chase down your fantastic dream and Great Life if you believe you’re going to have to grovel to hell on bleeding stumps with a glowing poker up your ass? Not that keen?

Try this alternative:

“Everything you’ve ever wanted is on the other side of a mega-motivating, uber-entertaining, positively-challenging, swindle-beating, great people-meeting, earnest-kicking, pant-changing, success-quenching, ace-tasting, misery-whipping, fun-buzzing, high-fiving, happy-talking, ever-evolving, cool-fizzing mother of a journey” 
[Global Feel Good Company]
What are you waiting for?

Have your say:  Demotivational quote for the Common Man no.6 – load of balls or spot on? Does Mr Adair’s wisdom make you race out of the house with your hair on fire for the excitement of being alive? Or, do you find yourself about as motivated as a shark at a salad bar? And what about the Global Feel Good Company alternative –  totally on the money or seriously off the dial? Lay your thing down in the comments below.

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Motivation Rule for the Common Man no.1- it’s a groovy setup

groovy masks hanging on wallDo  you dream of doing something awesome, big or small towards a Great Life, anything indeed, but when you try to motivate yourself into actually getting off your burgeoning ass and taking some kick-ass action, nothing happens, zilch? Somehow, for some damn reason you can’t identify, your motivation always fails to show up for the party? Goes AWOL?

Ever started on your creamy dream only to find that every day you had to try and motivate yourself more and more but the result was just less and less motivation and more and more prevarication? Ever found yourself long on tedious tasks but seriously short on enthusiasm, as in sod all?

There’s a strong chance it’s not your true dream you’re chasing, – in short, you’ve been swindled. These are classic symptoms that it never was ‘your’ dream in the first place, but some swindling parasitic desire foisted on you,  some cuckoo’s egg of ‘purpose’ or ‘meaning‘ you’re supposed to give a fuck about because it suits someone else. You’re a casualty of the great motivation swindle.

Too many great people like yourself are failing to achieve the success and Great Life they could be living and one of the main reasons is exactly because you have been swindled out of your natural motivation and without that crucial element you, your desire and sweet success are going nowhere. You’ve been swindled by many of the very people and resources that should have been the source of your motivation, scammed out of your natural drive before you even had a chance to storm your dream or version of success. Swindled by all around you, even though many of those very people and organizations truly believed that they had your interests at heart, and even more ironically were actually motivating you, but not to anything that would ever bring you happiness or a truly Great Life in your terms.

Motivation Rule for the Common Man no.1

Your motivation likes you the way you are, that’s why it’s your motivation
The more ‘you’ you are, the more your motivation will be ‘motivated’
It’s a groovy set up – don’t fuck with it
*

Is your motivation on board? Is it right there, driving you towards your fantastic dream or has it filed for citizenship somewhere the other side of the world to you?  Give your motivation a ‘shout out’ or list a ‘missing motivation ad’ in the comments below.

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My life is meaningful – Alternative Affirmation for the Common Man no.1

Frankly Frank thinking about life being meaningful

We’re taught from the earliest memory that to live a meaningless life is a squalid, uncontributing approach and that such behavior deserves the full might of society’s contempt…

Hmm.. I have another theory!

You see, parents and early education are just one of many stinky layers in this swindleous onion. At the core, is a never ending smorgasbord of deception screaming you need to forget going after some dumb little dream you’ve got stuck in your head and do some worthwhile endeavor, some ‘meaningful’ bollocks in your life instead. Like hell you do! Because what these flimflammers actually mean is for you to substitute their busted ass ideas and desires for your own.

‘My life is meaningful’ – my ass!

You need to realize in fact that the reason you’re so demotivated in the first place is exactly because of this motivation-murdering mountain of bilious bullshit you’ve been fed. Because before you even had the stirrings of something you could call a dream, certain elements in society were robbing you of your natural motivation and chance of personal happiness and success. But the key element they haven’t quite managed to eradicate yet (but they’re working on it – educators, psychologists, governments), the one essential that is really, truly you… is your true desire! Your core dream. Sure since you were a kid they’ve buried it under such oceans of garbage, continents of swindle, worlds of head-fuckage that it’s almost impossible to recognize. They’ve bamboozled your mind to the point that you think crap put there by swindlers and rogues, desperate to keep you trapped in Swindleville is actually what you really desire or what you should desire. But the reason this hasn’t completely worked as someone once famously didn’t say is because: swindlers, rogues and clowns can fool your desire and motivation some of the time, but only until you recognize it and then punch them in the face… hard!

An alternative affirmation for the Common Man:

“My life is meaningful. Okay, my life isn’t that meaningful. In fact, in the grand scheme of the world my life is meaningless. Therefore I embrace my meaninglessness. I love my meaninglessness and share it with others so their lives too can be meaningless. I choose to do things in my life instead because I fancy it, it could be fun, I could help someone, make some serious dookie, or indeed, just for the hell of it!”

Frankly Frank dressed as a carrot

Are you , to society’s mind a squalid, waste of ‘decent’ folks’ oxygen, worthy only of a uncivilized kicking? Or are you deep in the pursuit of a life of unparalleled meaning? Lay your thing down in the comments below and let the jury decide…

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