Relationship rescue is definitely what this post is all about, that’s what you’ve come here to read but first let’s get personal…
Normally I’d bet you hard cash, serious hard cash on being certain of my one main characteristic (most of us would, we know ourselves well enough). Easy ! Normally, I’d shout ‘Don’t take on that bet sucker because you’re going down in flames if you do’. But suddenly, distressingly I have found that my main characteristic has been rudely upended and it feels like someone else is squatting in my brain, someone else’s emotional molecules are surging through my blood stream, someone else’s voice is screaming where mine would normally be… and it ain’t pretty!
You see, I’ve never actually sought any kind of relationship rescue. Lucky? No, I believe it’s because normally I’d say I was… placid – there I said it. It’s not a characteristic that’s seen as sexy or cool…like I care! But that’s me (always has been) placid, decent, open honest, – you know ‘nice’, up for getting on with people, making life fun and enjoyable, walking away from aggressive tossers of either sex because fighting is for stupid people who don’t want a resolution to whatever is so bloody important at the time… or so it was until now.
Because tonight… if you happen across my door tonight, I’d struggle to spit the word ‘placid’ through enamel ground-down teeth, through hyper-tension, puffy fish lips twisted with rage. Placid no more until this is sorted!
What the hell went wrong with relationship rescue advice?
Let me explain. There’s been a growing trend, a strengthening of one of the most ignorant, ridiculous and toxic accepted cultures that probably started out in insidious earnest while I was writhing around to pop songs in hideous 80’s frills, reeking of perming solution. Seemed innocent enough at the time – the frills and the lyrics that is. Yeah, yeah don’t you want me baby, whoo whoo… and other top notch, classy classics. Boys and girls trying to get it on, sometimes making it, sometimes not. Mostly nothing too sinister, nothing too dangerous to the future of mankind. Most of us made it through the rah-rah years relatively unscathed. Not so our next generation and not so those out there now taking what they believe to be good and real relationship rescue advice. Somebody hold me back, hold me down because I won’t be responsible for the consequences…
Relationship rescue surely used to be the preserve of special agencies and qualified individuals set up to help counsel couples and singles? Well watch and learn because now I have no choice but to stand up and defend my like-minded decent, honest, straightforward, placid types who are being railroaded and denigrated by this latest trend.
Want a prediction? Here it is. 20 years on from this very day boys and girls will have taken the dangerous concept of the battle of the sexes to new heights, dizzying, vomit-inducing, vertigo-worthy heights because boys and girls won’t be talking any more. Not talking, dating, loving, sexing… not with any hope of ever actually having a relationship – lasting or otherwise. And it will be entirely due to the turning tide of rotten, stinky advice on how the hell boys and girls should treat each other!
This is not a dig at any one of the books listed on today’s Amazon Bestseller Love and Romance list – no need because there are thousands more, all jumping on the bandwagon desperate to add to the mal-relationship advice that has rapidly become the norm, the accepted, wisdom – ah! Boy is mankind in trouble.
The relationship rescue fight is on. Bring it on!
Hop up on my counseling couch and explain to me how the hell you’re ever going to make out there in the relationship jungle with only the now ever prevalent, bullshit map for guidance.
Let it all out in the comments below. We’re all friends here.